My Best Friend ended our 10-year relationship because of a text.
It started with an Instagram reel. She sent me a TikTok of a street interview with two guys talking about how high school sucks and how high school friends eventually stop being friends with a laughing emoji. She didn’t reply to my previous message.
I was annoyed at the late text. She had been responding weeks late while frequently posting on social media. She told me she had been busy with school having five classes a week, but I had a hard time believing that since she was really active on her social media, so I sent a text. I hesitated at first before sending, but I went for it.
She was offended by my two sentences and proceeded to text an essay (and yes, an essay). It was so long and overwhelming. I’ll share bits of it, but I’ll spare you the rest. She said she was hurt by my curt message and inconsideration of her busy school schedule, mental health, and other people in her life.
But there was one sentence that really struck me:
Honestly, it’s really hurtful to me that you think I just text you out of the blue & rather me not text you at all if that’s what you want then fine BUT you are not entitled to my time.
In the midst of 800 words, she said that. The girl who was late to everything and used up my time. Always two hours late to our get-togethers while living half a mile away.
I had a busy school schedule too, and I didn’t want her to message me everyday, I just wanted a message back. I always made time for her, and I just wanted to feel reciprocated in my efforts. I felt like an afterthought. So, I apologized and said I wasn’t mad anymore.
I said that because I felt like I needed to. Like mad at what? I still stand behind what I said because you have to understand people go through things not doing things out of malice, I wasn’t avoiding you.
She said more mean things after that too. She was too high in her emotions, challenging university can do that to someone, all I knew was that she was not comprehending what I was saying. She was mad for no good reason. So I told her to text me back when she could understand what I was saying. She definitely did not like that. She responded and finished with:
If you cannot understand what I’m saying then you might as well block my number if you want, this really hurts me because I do care about you but I am not going to apologize for being busy and having my own life.
You noticed the contradiction in that sentence, right?
She said she cared, but was too busy with “school” even though I saw her watch Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings on Snapchat. Too busy for what? Me?
She cut me off completely after that. After I posted some pretty flowers on Instagram.
You’re not entitled to my time, I’m not going to apologize for having a life echoed in my mind for months because it made me realize I was only a friend at her convenience. It made me feel so rejected and depressed.
For years, I always made time for her. Whenever she wanted to complain about her family, our friends, or irrelevant people. She would send me paragraphs of venting from school, or rant speeches in person, and I would always respond attentively. Yet, when I wanted to reply, there were no words, empty listening accompanied by interruptions, or useless responses. I can only think of one time I got a decent response. I never realized this all-around negativity and apathy until later.
She berated me with that message and she had been disrespecting me verbally for years. She verbally attacked me through iMessage. That was a first, but I was used to the in-person attacks at this point.
…
Back in high school, when me and our friends sat around the cafeteria table and I told her I thought her dad listened to rock music, she told me he didn’t for religious reasons. I wanted to say a small comment afterwards, and then she responded with, “I KNOW WHAT I SAID!” at 200 percent volume. I was shocked and I remained silent.
Another day on the bus, when I kept asking to see her class photo she was carrying she said, “You’re annoying me” in an evil, caustic tone. You know how many times she was annoying and I didn’t respond like that? I just wanted to see a picture. I never liked our painfully long bus rides.
And last, but not least, she said, “Nobody cares” after she placed her hand to my shoulder and stared dead into my face. The students around us frowned and widened their eyes instantly. I had accidentally interrupted her by responding to another student asking about the senior superlatives. I looked down at the yearbook table so no one could look at me. I was so embarrassed. We were running for Best Friends.
These are only three of many, and that doesn’t include her frequent derisive comments to me about me. She also forgot how to say my name.
I was so humiliated. The plethora of these memories resurface in my mind far too often and have made me very insecure. I’m still trying to delete them.
Her lack of replies wasn’t what really upset me because I can think of a handful of people that don't text me back and it doesn’t phase me. It was the compilation of disrespect from all those years that created a small, unexplainable upset feeling inside of me. The TikTok she sent about losing friends triggered me. At that point, I couldn’t stand her anymore. She already lost me. She was never a real friend.
I was used to being around miserable people, so this was all I knew. I thought this hostility was normal, and I was comfortable with being hurt. A colossal amount of texts, and DMs, and in-person conversations were dumb arguments over minutiae. She made a feud out of almost everything while pointing the finger at me. She refused to be wrong.
…
Months before, I was in denial and I thought I was overreacting. Before the confrontation, I was completely avoiding it. I didn’t want to annoy her. Red flag. I didn’t see it. Someone else pointed it out to me, an online friend from Texas. I met “Texas” through Whisper, an app where you can confess your deepest secrets, complain about life, or scroll and read. I made a post about the situation with an expletive, and they messaged asking more about the situation.
I told them how I didn't want to confront her because I didn’t want to sound annoying, and they said that she wasn’t a good friend if I couldn’t talk to her about it. That was one of many enlightenments I received from “Texas” and we’ve also shared several endearing phone calls.
…
I used to be sad about the no-friends-here, but now I don’t care because I’ve made bona fide connections, ironically, through the internet. People view social media and the internet as a place for loners, but I found small comradeships inside.
First, there’s sweet ol’ Texas, and then another kind person who lives in Asia. She currently goes to medical school and wants to specialize in either surgery or forensics. She’s not sure yet, but she is sure about moving to the U.K after graduation.
I met “U.K” on a website called PenPal World when I was 19. It was March of 2020, and I was the loneliest I had ever been, and she failed to text back as usual, so I sought friendship elsewhere. Online forums have proven to help teens find friends.
I improved the account I made at 13 years with a better bio and profile pic. I scrolled through the interface and clicked through numerous pages of people from the US, Europe, Asia, and North Africa. I messaged people from all over, and “U.K” was one of three people that messaged back. The other two stopped after a couple short chats, but she remained consistent. We exchanged emails because the website only let users send three messages a day. Then I followed her on Instagram.
There are several factors that make a friendship including shared interests, mutual respect, and reciprocity. Our first conversations were about music and what languages we speak. Then we later opened up to each other about our familiar upbringings and heartbreaks. We both lost a close friend. Terribly.
We also laugh over the phone faking accents and making fun of white people and talking about cute guys. We make jokes while doing our homework. Right now I’m writing a sit-com about us living in the U.K for fun. She’s a doctor and I’m a blogger.
“U.K” and I had been there for each other through the bad and worst of times. She’s given me healing advice, and I have consoled her. We’re genuine friends to each other. None of that her mess.
…
I am not going to apologize for being busy and having my own life.
I have school almost everyday too, and maybe Psychology wouldn't be so difficult if you actually wanted to be a psychologist instead of a creative writer.
Those essays lacked style anyway. Get a therapist.
…
Meanwhile U.K attends medical school in Asia with miserably short winter/summer breaks. The advanced program consists of tedious and extensive written, oral, and practical two-week exams that require months of intense studying. She does all this while riding to and from college on an auto rickshaw (Google that, please) for two hours almost everyday… and still messages me back.
I stand by what I said, nobody is entitled to anyone else’s time. We are not dating, we are not married, dating, etc.
I thought you would understand me but I guess not.
I guess I don’t understand because I never asked for a grand commitment. I just wanted reciprocity and mutual respect.
I learned real friendship is making time for others and distance does not matter. Whether someone lives a five minute walk or countries away. My generation, Gen-Z, are finding new ways to form genuine connections through social media and other (good) parts of the internet. Friendships can be redefined and start in whatever way, not just in person. I also learned people leaving your inner circle is just a part of life and we just have to move on when it happens. It’ll be hard, but you can get there.
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